Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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