Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
