just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
