i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
