oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
