Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
