Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
