whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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