She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
