If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
