watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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