Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
