You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
