Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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