I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
