were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
