i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
