if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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