i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
