His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
