Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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