I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
