You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
