Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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