Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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