WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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