so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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