so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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