I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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