forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
