guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
