Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
