I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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