I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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