it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
