I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
