dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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