and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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