So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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