Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
