Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
then he tried to convert me to islam
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we're so committed to being not committed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
