I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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