I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
