I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
