i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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