I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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