it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
