This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
