dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
