that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize