walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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