if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
