you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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