I smell stomach acid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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