I want to stick my p in your. b.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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