anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
