I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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