Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
