I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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