we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
