i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
