I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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