i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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