I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
