"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
