who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
