Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
