i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
