Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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