i don't like sucking hair
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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