Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
