My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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