she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
